insomnia...

I haven't been able to sleep since yesterday....and its 5am now. I went to bed at 1040 feeling really tired but when i close my eyes...they just don't wanna go to sleep...arghhhhh!!!!!...this been going on for 2 days now...today was the worst. I have tired everything....every possible position...every pillow i can get around the house...even tried to sleep in front of the telly...didn't help much.

Why?? why?? why??...when i finally i have no more reason to stay up...i cant sleep!!

feeling...really tired now.....:(

its over..."doing the chicken dance"

finally....i ended my months of misery yesterday at 330pm.

I finally presented my project to the bosses and got a thumbs up!!...yippee. Although i thot i would be more ecstatic after it was done...the feeling was just slumber. Of course i was happy but i think i was more relieved then happy and it still haven't hit me yet that I'm am finally the so-called "General Field Engineer" after years of trying to put it off, i cant believe i stayed this long in the company never thot i will get to this stage....alhamdulilah...maybe rezeki anak.

Since August, i was working on it, loads of sleepless nites...loads or headache and flu's and not to forget arguments..its finally done in one afternoon...doesn't seems to balance does it...well i guess it never does.  Now, i can concentrate on the "nunu" (that's what they call babies here..nunu) and prepare myself for the big day...mind u i still have a list of things that i haven't done from my " list of things to do before April".

now...its time to trash all the papers away...i managed to collect a lot of paper during since August..and its taking over my bookshelf...and yes..i can read again...super!

Monster in my room..mummy

Nope...this is not a valentines entree, IM not a valentines fan plus..caveman thot that valentine's day was on the 8th Feb..heheheh and he still thinks its on the 8th...its hilarious..so to those who does celebrate the over-rated Valentine's day...Happy valentine's day...:)

so whats with the title...hmmm..this is the story. Bubbles has been sleeping on her own in her room for ages now...no problems..tuck her in..read a book...tepuk sikit..and she is in dreamland...sometimes she does wakes up in the middle of the night to drink, its very dry here, but after that she goes back to bed and wakes up around 7nish. Lately, esp since we have been back from KL she hasn't been sleeping well...its was ok for the 1st one week ( she was probably too tired and still recuperating from the vacation ) but then it started....screaming for me around 2 to 3am in the morning and refuse to go back to bed. She would get off her bed and jump to our room and sleep...soundly till morning and she doesn't even asked for milk or water.

lastnite...i had a terrible cough and back ache...and really cant be asked to wake up in the morning, just wanted to have a good nite sleep til morning. Unfortunately...just as i was about to sleep...i heard bubbles...calling me. I waited for almost 15 mins...but didn't seems to stop her. So i went to her room and asked her whats wrong..she said..' I want to sleep in mummy's room..I'm scared'..'scared of what safeia'...'I'm scared of monster'...' there is no monster...go back to sleep..'..'nooo..i want to sleep with you'...to tired to argue, i picked her up and put her to sleep besides me...and of course i cant get any sleep coz bubbles tido sangat buas...i have to watch her legs all the time.

This morning,i asked her again..where was the monster? she said the monster has gone home..hmmm...funny innit? she had a similar incident when we were in Samira's and Hadrien's place in Sart...apparently she had befriended a fren in the room we were staying..but she was not scared or anything..in fact she was quite happy talking etc...and her fren never leaves the room...he stays under the sink in the room....maybe it was casper's cousin.:)..freaked out samira alittle..:P.

To be honest, im not that worried..i think its normal for kids to go thru with a phase like this since i have asked a few parents...but whats disturbing is that...bubbles jumping in on our bed everrynite...and me having to fight with her legs everynite...sigh!!!..i need to sleep....

Craving...

i have been craving for ..guess what?....air sirap? funny innit, now i know how it feels to really crave on something.On monday, i was at home..resting..i ate...i drank..and i finished a tub of baskin robbins ice cream a whole tub!...after all that i was still not satisfied..no matter how much i ate and drank, i feel that something is not right, somehow i sort of forgotten about it until i was about to sleep....then i had this weird taste on my mouth...of sirap! BANG!!!...i knew that was i was missing today....i really wanted a big cawan of air sirap. I told caveman...of course he laugh his head off...what kind of craving is this...

- the conversation...

me: sayang...i want air sirap, please...
caveman: what?? maner nak dpt malam malam buta nie...esok i carik k?
me :..noooooo...u tak boleh carik here..u have to make it. i did it before...
caveman : huh...how to buat?
me : u letak air, gula, daun pandan and red coloring...
caveman : issshkk...thats like minum air gula..nanti u diabetic nanti how...?
me : but i want!!!!..i want ..i want it!!...i need it.
caveman : hahahahahahahaha....noooo im not gonna make u any.

( and he was out of the room and then i few mins later i heard the him talking in malay to someone...i presume samira..asking her about the air sirap...and then my front door was open and shut....5 mins later..it was open again..and pots and spoon bangin....hehhee...me sleeping in bed with a smile..i think im gonna get my sirap..:)...then i heard him walking to the room....me: pretending to sleep ...:))

caveman : sayang..wake up..nie air sirap you..
me: still pretending to be sleepy with a big smile...yeay!!....u love me dont u...hehehehe...but...hmm..i want it in a big cawan..my blue cawan with alot of ice.
caveman : but u sakit u cannot drink ice..
me:..sulking...( he walked back to the kitchen and fix it )
caveman : nah...happy?
me : glup...glup....happy. Terima kasih sayang....i lap you
caveman : 'kiss' ... thats it no more ok...nanti diabetic kang.
me : :)

i woke up in the morning with tainted red lips...happy...and big pot of air sirap! hahahahaha...and u know what i didnt want any of it anymore...:)

meeting expectation....

i have been off work for 2 days now...was under the weather, the cough and flu finally brought me down+ bubbles also had fever+ my maid apparently was hit by a car......hows thats!...anyway..things are looking better today,still coughing did some studying + bubbles is up and running and back in kinder & maid is returning to work tomorrow and same goes to me. Since Sunday i haven't checked my office mails, and today i had a feeling that there will be an email about my appraisals...yes its the appraisal time of the year, and since caveman told me about his today...i had a strong feeling that mine will be in the email...and true enough my "meeting expectation" appraisal is in waiting for my comment by 13Th of Feb.

Am i satisfied with " meeting expectation" hmmm..generally and in normal circumstances i don't give a "toot", since school, i hate the grading system, A, B, C, D..are just evil letters that are used to categorise ppl. So to me coz a grade is a grade, in school u can be an A person but been given a F becoz u screw up in one exam! and at work your bosses never really know what u do anyway but expected something out of this world with very little support and resources but this year appraisal hit me hard why becoz, i think i worked hard and harder then i should, to deserve "meeting expectation" and the fact that two bosses that wrote me the appraisal cant even spell out my name properly makes me wander, if they don't even know how my name is spelt correctly after all the emails that they have been getting for me which i usually don't get any reply until 2 or 3 emails, would they know i did at work and how is my performance evaluated?...my direct boss doesn't even shows up til 3pm on a good day ( on a bad day...u can't even see him for days ) and i do 1/2 of this work most of the time plus I'm getting everything sorted for him like a little secretary...i work long hours to make sure things are OK...i was working 7 days a week for 4 months before he actually consider giving me a day off a week ( excuse was ..." ohh i didn't know u were working 7 days a week"..are u out of your "tooting mind" )...with all this sacrifices, and in end am a " meeting expectation" without a reasonable reason? sigh.......

So my comment to this appraisal is ......Terima Kasih.